Holistic Healing Recipe: Lemon Ylang Ylang Body Scrub for Spring!

Spring is here! Engage your sense of smell and touch with this invigorating and uplifting body scrub recipe by me!

Lemon Essential Oil: Uplifting, positivity, mental clarity, banishing fear

Lemon is a scent that inspires positive feelings of hope and joy so it’s a great one to use when you are experiencing low energy and depression.

Ylang Ylang Essential Oil: Healing, heart-opening, manifesting love

Ylang ylang is a love herb that opens and heals the heart which is needed to release any pain and trauma from seasons past so you can move into spring renewed and ready!

Use this scrub with intention. Practicing mindfulness, pay attention to scent of the scrub and how it feels on your skin as you use it. Visualize anything that is not serving you being scrubbed away and washed down the drain.

Express gratitude for the opportunity to create a new beginning at any moment.

Comment below if you try this recipe and let me know what you think!

Happy Spring! 🍋🌼

Marilyn Julia

Reclaiming Your Personal Power in Spring!

Spring has always been magical for me but as I become more tuned in to the Earth and the wheel of the year, I can feel deep in my bones the budding of new life that this new season brings.

At the Vernal Equinox, we are called to seek a balance between the two seemly opposing forces. Life happens at the time of the perfect balanced expression of the connection between two forces. Divine masculine and divine feminine coming together to create a life where there was nothing. Alchemy. In the Northern Hemisphere, we are in the season of new life and you can feel it, hear it, taste it, smell it, and see all around us!

Have you heard the birds singing their songs early in the morning lately? Have you noticed the colorful flowers popping up of out seemingly nowhere on the bush that you pass on your morning walk and never really noticed before? I can’t help but notice some new sign of the change in seasons every day over the last few weeks. These beautiful signals of a time of renewal bring fullness to my heart and a desire to go out and experience more of it!

All the sudden my desire to be at home rewatching the Game of Thrones series on HBO in preparation for the final season next month (wah wah wah), is replaced with a desire to go do random things like braving the out of control LA traffic on a Sunday to take an impromptu road trip to go see the breathtaking California poppies while there is a super bloom!

Pics taken at Walker Canyon Poppy Fields, Lake Elsinore, CA.

Reflection Questions:

Deep down, what do you truly want?

What are you afraid to say you want to feel or experience?

What old pattern that is blocking your evolution are you willing to let go of?

Spring is upon us my friends and with it an opportunity for rebirth! Never forget you are worthy. Take courageous action to fight for what you truly desire. Of course, you are afraid, we all are, but do it afraid. You are also braver than you know!

Sign up for my mailing list now to get tools and tips on how to harness the power of spring to break old patterns and call in renewed wellness! The newsletter has recipes, book recommendations, stones and other holistic healing tips for the season, a seasonal playlist and more!

You don’t have to do this alone. We are on this path together. Tap into the power of the collective when you need support but be prepared to walk your own path. We are here. You are here. We are one.

In love and light,

Marilyn Julia, LMFT

Until we are all free

There are nuances to freedom

In many ways none of us are truly free

I recognize I’m both oppressed and not oppressed

I am both less free in certain spaces

And more free in others

This paradox is stagnating

Until

You become aware it exists

As I experience a more liberated existence

I’m tasked with processing the many ways I’ve been oppressed

While simultaneously holding space for

And shedding light on the insidious ways

I’ve benefited from the oppression of others

I must be willing to ask

What is MY privilege?

As I learn to process this paradoxical reality

Integrating it’s wisdom into how I walk in the world

I carry a sacred responsibility to share myself with others

Fight on their behalf for their liberation

My liberation has not been my own

It is soaked in the blood of my ancestors

It is supported by the work of my predecessors

I am not alone

I’m a little more free today than yesterday

Conscious evolution forces expanded awareness

I can no longer not see

There are no others

We are WE

The Best Free Meditation App to Jump Start Your Practice!

Since the first time I excitedly unwrapped my meticulously packaged iPhone about a decade ago, apps have become a huge part of my life. I use the map on my phone to drive places I go daily just so I have an exact eta, and before Shazam, what did we do if we heard an amazing song over the PA system in the grocery store? I really can’t fathom how we existed without them for so long! I’m kidding but, smartphones and apps are here to stay and though responding to our phones all the time can make it more of a challenge to be mindful, there are some ways in which tech can actually support a mindful life.

In this blog series, Mindful Living Tech Support, I’ll share some of my favorite tech tools that support my mindful life!

After trying every free meditation app available to me and finding them all pretty much the same, I finally found the holy grail of free meditation apps! Here are the main three reasons why Insight Timer stole my heart and became my go-to meditation app.

1. The options are endless...and FREE!

If you are someone who finds yourself getting bored hearing the same voice and guidance daily, Insight Timer is the app for you! As of today, Insight Timer has over 15,000 FREE guided meditations to use! It’s hard to justify the excuse that you don’t have time because there are even lots of options under the one minute mark!

In addition to having thousands of options, it’s easy to find exactly what you are looking for with the filters the app provides.

For example, if you have less than 10-minutes to meditate and want one with no music for pain, the app will give you 10+ to choose from! You can even filter out Religious or Spiritual content which is helpful if you have been avoiding meditation because you feel like the guided content conflicts with your beliefs. It’s easy for me to find a meditation that fits exactly what I need that day in just a few clicks. Often, I meditate with the timer just using a bell at the end. Some days, however, I seek a different kind of support so I might put on a Deva Premal mantra track and sing along with her beautiful voice!

2. If you are anything like me, streak tracking is a must!

Sorry to break it to you but we humans are not all that special. For the most part, we all have the same underlying motivations and one about the human animal is that we love to be told we are doing a good job! This app recognizes that and even if you are on a 2-day streak which many of us might minimize ‘as no big deal’, It’s like the streak tracker in the Insight Timer app is saying to you  “you’re doing a good job sweetie!” And to that, I say, “thank you very much!” That pat on the back is often times all we need to keep up the habit so this function is crucial for an effective meditation app.

3. It makes it easy to support the content creators directly!

Though Insight Timer is a free app it does both encourage and make it accessible for you to directly support the creators of the meditations you enjoy by making a donation! This is a wonderful feature and is honestly my favorite part of this app. I believe everyone should have free access to meditation. This is a tool that should not only be accessible to the wealthy, however, the people who create these mindful pieces of art also deserve positive energy returned to them for what they’ve made! It mindfully encourages you to give but also with no pressure or guilt.

Now that I’ve found my go-to meditation app, my next step is to simplify my life by deleting the others that just didn’t make the cut from my phone!

I’m curious?

Do you have a meditation practice? If so, have you used meditation apps to support your practice and how does role does technology play in your practice?

You can participate in the discussion in the comments section of this post or on Instagram. I’ll share some of my favorite meditations from this app on that platform so make sure you are following me there!

Truth is...We Are All Mentally Ill

And we can all be well. 

I've been depressed. It sucks. 

I've been anxious. No fun either. 

I've had disordered eating and experienced the symptoms of complex trauma at various times in my life and yet, have still managed to help people manage their own struggles during those challenging times. I don't think this is uncommon for those in the healing profession as much as many of us may not like to admit it. We are all humans and as such, we cannot escape pain and suffering in this life. And this life is truly a journey full of ups, downs, and everything in between! 

Working in the mental health field for 14 years with most major diagnoses at some point during those years, I've come to believe mental health and mental illness truly are on a spectrum. Like anything on a spectrum an individuals symptom severity or wellness level varies and some folks have more pervasive issues often due to environmental factors but we are no different in our need to manage our own personal mental health in the most effective way for each of us. The more connected we remember we are, the more healing we can all truly experience. Shifting our collective view of mental health management to a similar lens to physical health would greatly reduce the stigma and allow people the space to heal. 

Approaching my birthday this year I can honestly say I am the most well I have ever been in my life but this wellness I'm is not for lack of effort. I used to think I was at this point it would be easy and I could just coast by and bask in wellness but realize now it is something I have to manage. I'm learning this is universal. I'd actually say I work harder at taking good care of myself than I ever have anything in my life and at times it's exhausting.

My yoga practice, one important component to my healing this past year has helped me move and heal trauma that I have carried in my body for decades and I feel so much lighter in spirit overall. There have been times in class where I simply wept on my mat due to the emotional release I felt and I'm so grateful for it!

My work has not only been on the mat but in all areas of my life. I work hard at protecting my boundaries, speaking my truth, giving space to my emotions, giving space to myself to create, working out my old buried trauma, and surrounding myself with a supportive/trusted high vibrational tribe who encourages me to be ME!

One of the most important things is I don't expect perfection and I am loving with myself when I struggle and don't want to do any of it and that helps. Everything is done with love. What if we all focused more on letting go of judgment of both self and others, improving own personal mental health at whatever point we are on our journey, and just loving ourselves and others more? Let's try and see if we can heal the world! Namaste. 

Who Helps the Helper?

How not speaking my truth could've killed me

The truth about my messy in between is something I’ve always kept closely guarded. Being what I consider a recovering perfectionist, I grew up believing the only parts of life worth sharing or of any value to others were either the triumphant periods of measurable success and accomplishment or the mundane periods of just normal life. What I wasn’t ready to do when I first wrote Love Letter to Myself on my 34th Birthday was to be open during the messy, confusing, dark shadow period that followed. I’ve tried many times to live a life in line with my true feelings and desires and yet I continued to find a way back to my old familiar habits like avoidance and codependent behaviors. This truth caused me a lot of shame so during my lowest moments I hid.

Avoidance never works in the long run but I still found a way to bring mastery to something that did not serve me until my body forced me to stop by manifesting disease. During the time that I wrote the initial post, I was in the midst of experiencing various symptoms that in hindsight were very troubling though at the time I ignored them and kept trying to just push through as we are often taught to do. I would wake up from eight or more hours of sleep and would still feel exhausted. My peripheral vision was distorted so much it caused nausea when I walked around. I also experienced numbness and tingling that would radiate up and down my spine. I suffered with these symptoms for a few weeks and didn’t seek medical treatment until three days after writing the post. On the morning of 10/29/2015 I woke up with my usually perfect 20/20 vision doubled. I had avoided seeking help until I was unable to any longer because I could no longer drive safely.

I was at a costume party for Halloween here a few days before I was hospitalized. I already felt pretty sick but I kept trying to push through. (I think I pulled off a pretty good Frida Kahlo nonetheless!)

That evening after going to work that day, (driving with one eye open) I had a colleague drop me off at the emergency room. I sat alone in the bed for the whole evening quietly scrolling through my phone while the doctors ordered tests. I was given an MRI that evening in the ER and within an hour I was given my results. Lying perfectly still in the MRI machine was not incredibly difficult for me. I have always been a pretty patient person. The radiology technician was pleasant and even took my requests for music during the over forty five minute procedure. Though I was able to lie comfortably still my mind was racing. As the machine loudly banged around me and 80’s Easy Listening played in the headphones, I was imagining myself in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy I just knew Dr. McDreamy would be coming in soon to diagnose me with some complicated medical marvel tumor. Instead however, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis as shown on the multiple lesions on my brain scan. I had to be admitted and treated inpatient for four days with intravenous steroids.

MS is chronic, can be debilitating and there is a lot about the course of the illness that is unknown so, this raised more questions for me than answers. Though my diagnosis raised a million questions and brought up fears that I never felt before related to my health and mortality, it was also exactly the gift I needed at the time to change my life for the better. My illness brought with it death to my old way of living.

All that being said, while preparing to relaunch the Mindfully She website I was scrolling through previous content that I had unpublished. I had to decide what to keep and what no longer resonated with me and had to go. When I reread my first blog post I immediately felt called to share this “failed” launch attempt even though my ego was also immediately like “hell no” we aren’t sharing that. Part of my ego’s resistance to sharing these old posts is criticism of my writing. I kept the post as it was when I first wrote it because I wanted to be authentic and share my truth as it was then.

Rereading the Love Letter to Myself on my 34th Birthday this week, the message resonates so deeply now as I realize this was the moment where I committed to living a life of “enoughness”. This was the beginning of my journey back to me I just didn’t know I don’t get to dictate exactly what that looks like. The universe has it’s own plan and that plan is so much greater than anything I could ever imagine. Our own view of what is possible in our lives is so limited based on our own lens. If you have been conditioned to feel like less than enough, your view of what you can experience, achieve, and accomplish is severely limited. As a psychotherapist, I’ve been aware of how our own perspective greatly shapes our view of ourselves and the world around us but, what I didn’t realize is how much my own debilitating perspective of not being enough limited everything in my life. It’s interesting realizing one day the issues you thought you avoided are alive, well, and making making all of your important decisions!

When I initially wrote this love letter to myself, (just a month after ending a long and emotionally transformative romantic relationship) I thought I would be writing, sharing, and publishing regularly. While writing the letter in the midst of my first multiple sclerosis flare, I had no choice but to self-reflect about my life on a level of understanding deeper than ever before. (I had no choice! Have you ever tried to watch Game of Thrones with double vision? It’s not possible! You can’t focus!) What created my own suffering after gaining this awareness were the expectations that followed. This post was just the first step to my new life of being an artist. Publicly stating my intention to share my truth was one of the most significant steps towards my growth. I was not prepared for what the next steps would look and feel like. During this period of time I isolated not out of fear of being seen like in the past but motivated by an intense desire to protect my space and my energetic vibration. I felt a sense of duty to my wellbeing I had not previously felt and this led to me creating change in my life out of love.

My full time job became taking the best care of myself that I possibly could. I started investing in my health financially by joining a yoga studio, something I wanted to do but felt I couldn’t afford. (To be honest I still can’t afford it but I make it work in the interest of self care) I read and researched topics of interest not what I felt like I “should” be reading and I allowed myself ample time to journal and process what was coming up. Our higher self, heart, soul, intuition, whatever  you choose to call it; knows what is best for us and when I finally slowed down and created space to listen to my heart’s desire and consciously decided to move towards those things, everything changed.

The ego loves to attach itself to expectations and mine kicked into overdrive immediately. I expected myself to start actively seeking opportunities to grow as an artist, writer, and musician. I wanted to connect with other artists and begin sharing, performing, writing and posting weekly about the process (As you can imagine the posting weekly never happened). I felt like I had wasted thirty four years already and now that I realized it, I didn’t want to continue to waste anymore time not really being who I really wanted to be. What I didn’t know was that there is no wasted time. That even the times when I feel like nothing is happening or even more anxiety provoking that I’m moving backwards. I have been shedding layers and healing the whole time. Sometimes growth is quiet. Sometimes growth is painful. Sometimes growth is isolated. Often times, growth is destruction. I’m finally learning to embrace all parts of the journey and for me embracing all parts means authentically sharing in the way that feels aligned with my soul because, through all the ups and downs I have never wavered in my calling to share my story.

Over the last two years with mindfulness and meditation practice I’ve become more aware of the thoughts my ego produces. I’m aware they come from fear not from truth so I make deliberate decisions to move towards those things rather than away from them. But, it doesn’t mean the fear is not still present. I can honor the fear by being aware of it but I allow my intuition and wise mind to guide my steps. What I do know is sharing this truth all embodies everything it means to be messy, mindful and whole and that is how I plan to show up in the world so here it is.

Love Letter to Myself on My 34th Birthday

Republished from 10/26/2015

Long ago you learned not to believe in yourself. Not to express yourself. You learned that your true self is something that needed to be hidden. Hidden from even the people closest to you. How sad that you learned that your true light was a potential danger and shouldn’t be allowed to shine. You learned that shining was limited to only those “special” people that possessed wonderful gifts and talents that you had not been fortunate enough to receive. You learned your role was to support the success and growth of those around you and provide the space for them to realize their full potential.

You threw yourself into this role wholehearted and even made a successful career supporting the growth and dreams of others. You skillfully put on the mask everyday of happiness and fulfillment but what I know Dear Soul is that on the inside you were lost. Lost inside your own prison of people pleasing, placating and keeping your thoughts and opinions to yourself. Always making your choices based on what you thought those around you wanted to see. Constantly measuring the expectations of those around you and learning to fit the role they wanted to see led to a frightening level of incongruence between the true self and the self you allowed the world to see.

Like your sign the Scorpion you felt comfort and safety living alone in the shadows ready to sting anyone who got close enough to catch a glimpse of your truth. But what you didn’t realize My Love is that you are also the Eagle! Like to eagle you have all the power within you to soar to heights you never dreamed of! To harness this power you must be willing to let go of everything you thought you knew and everything you tried to be. You have to take off the mask and proudly stand in your truth. By doing this you open yourself up to criticism and judgement from others as well as the possibility that people won’t like you. These things will happen and you WILL survive them! It is nice to be liked but the most important thing to keep in mind is that you must first like/Love yourself! You can and will survive others not loving you but you can NOT survive not loving yourself! And you are oh so lovable My Dear. I know that you learned early on in life that your true authentic self is not lovable. That you need to fit a predetermined mold in order to obtain lovability. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Your truth is LOVE. Your authenticity is LOVE, your heart is LOVE, your Soul is LOVE. All you have to do is live from that space and love will surround you. The hardest thing for you to accept is that vulnerability is lovable. We are all flawed and the more we can show our truth the more we connect and the quality of our connections deepens. You don’t have to hide your struggles from those closest to you for fear of rejection, you can put trust in loved ones to support you through the times of soaring like the eagle and crawling like the scorpion.

This is no easy task My Beloved but you are up to the challenge because what I know about you that you don’t know about yourself is your full truth. I am your Soul. I have always known your true depth and power. Happiness cannot be found hiding in the shadows. The shadows have been a place of regret, anxiety, and despair. A place where jealously resides triggered by continually watching others take the chances you have not. Watching others experience life in a way you have always dreamed of in your quiet moments but have never allowed yourself to actually live.

Please remember Dear Heart our time on this planet in this body is short. Turning 34 has definitely taught you this. If you wait your life will pass you by as it has countless others who have been ruled by fear. This is not a fate I can allow for you My Precious because  I am You. We are one. I am the internal guide you have ignored, argued with, and numbed out these 34 years of our life. The promise I can make to you now is that I will no longer be ignored. I will not allow you to hide your light any longer. We are a whole beautiful artistic loving human and to rob the world of that light is something I will no longer accept.

This creative space is my gift you Sweet Soul. Accept it and use to to explore, grow, recover and shine! It’s time.

October 26, 2015.