Love Letter to Myself on My 34th Birthday

Republished from 10/26/2015

Long ago you learned not to believe in yourself. Not to express yourself. You learned that your true self is something that needed to be hidden. Hidden from even the people closest to you. How sad that you learned that your true light was a potential danger and shouldn’t be allowed to shine. You learned that shining was limited to only those “special” people that possessed wonderful gifts and talents that you had not been fortunate enough to receive. You learned your role was to support the success and growth of those around you and provide the space for them to realize their full potential.

You threw yourself into this role wholehearted and even made a successful career supporting the growth and dreams of others. You skillfully put on the mask everyday of happiness and fulfillment but what I know Dear Soul is that on the inside you were lost. Lost inside your own prison of people pleasing, placating and keeping your thoughts and opinions to yourself. Always making your choices based on what you thought those around you wanted to see. Constantly measuring the expectations of those around you and learning to fit the role they wanted to see led to a frightening level of incongruence between the true self and the self you allowed the world to see.

Like your sign the Scorpion you felt comfort and safety living alone in the shadows ready to sting anyone who got close enough to catch a glimpse of your truth. But what you didn’t realize My Love is that you are also the Eagle! Like to eagle you have all the power within you to soar to heights you never dreamed of! To harness this power you must be willing to let go of everything you thought you knew and everything you tried to be. You have to take off the mask and proudly stand in your truth. By doing this you open yourself up to criticism and judgement from others as well as the possibility that people won’t like you. These things will happen and you WILL survive them! It is nice to be liked but the most important thing to keep in mind is that you must first like/Love yourself! You can and will survive others not loving you but you can NOT survive not loving yourself! And you are oh so lovable My Dear. I know that you learned early on in life that your true authentic self is not lovable. That you need to fit a predetermined mold in order to obtain lovability. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Your truth is LOVE. Your authenticity is LOVE, your heart is LOVE, your Soul is LOVE. All you have to do is live from that space and love will surround you. The hardest thing for you to accept is that vulnerability is lovable. We are all flawed and the more we can show our truth the more we connect and the quality of our connections deepens. You don’t have to hide your struggles from those closest to you for fear of rejection, you can put trust in loved ones to support you through the times of soaring like the eagle and crawling like the scorpion.

This is no easy task My Beloved but you are up to the challenge because what I know about you that you don’t know about yourself is your full truth. I am your Soul. I have always known your true depth and power. Happiness cannot be found hiding in the shadows. The shadows have been a place of regret, anxiety, and despair. A place where jealously resides triggered by continually watching others take the chances you have not. Watching others experience life in a way you have always dreamed of in your quiet moments but have never allowed yourself to actually live.

Please remember Dear Heart our time on this planet in this body is short. Turning 34 has definitely taught you this. If you wait your life will pass you by as it has countless others who have been ruled by fear. This is not a fate I can allow for you My Precious because  I am You. We are one. I am the internal guide you have ignored, argued with, and numbed out these 34 years of our life. The promise I can make to you now is that I will no longer be ignored. I will not allow you to hide your light any longer. We are a whole beautiful artistic loving human and to rob the world of that light is something I will no longer accept.

This creative space is my gift you Sweet Soul. Accept it and use to to explore, grow, recover and shine! It’s time.

October 26, 2015.


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